Posted
by ABADI ABDILAH
on 1/25/2009
dress nicely
Wear good clothes, e.g. a good shirt and a tie. Probably you should ask some girls what clothes they like a man to wear or you should go clothes-shopping with a female relative or a female co-worker.
Important note: A lot of women pay a lot attention to SHOES.
Don't wear those clothes at all costs even when they are inappropriate or don't suit you. Example: Don't wear a tie and your new shoes while swimming. OK, this is an exaggeration, but imagine yourself going bowling and you wear beautiful but uncomfortable clothes that make you sweat? Or going to the movies with a Hawaiian T-shirt.
On the other hand (since you are looking for a girl-friend anywhere) dress well whenever and wherever you go. You go shopping? Shave and dress well! You go to an exhibition? Shave and dress well. You go to a football match? Shave and dress well!
Another important thought: Woman are usually very "clothes-aware". In fact they communicate thru clothes and thru make-up (they wear shorter skirts and redder lipstick to show they are datable). Thus by wearing good clothes YOU establish immediately a communication line, too.
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future father
The difference in thinking of a man and a woman can produce great misunderstandings but can help you to date more women.
Imagine the following situation: You sit alone at the bar. A woman comes along and wants to stand you a beer and go home with her. You would go most probably. Most men would.
Now consider the opposite: You are a man and you go around and ask other women directly to stand them a beer and come home with you. Most probably they won't go with you! The reason is a difference in thinking. For you as a man an offer must make "logical sense" or "sexual sense". For a woman it must make "emotional sense" and "friendship sense".
That means every approach to a woman should have the ingredient of "Look, lady, I could be the father of your children. I am well-dressed, discreet, humorous and understanding".
Would you (as a man) ever refuse a sex offer from a woman just because a) she is not well-dressed b) she is not humorous c) she often talks about sex d) she is not understanding? Most probably you wouldn't. You see? A total differing perception system "Woman vs. Man".
Even if she wants a one-night-stand only you should approach her as the "future father of her children". I am not talking about cheesy pick up lines as "Wanna be pregnant by Christmas?". I am talking about the "approaching attitude".
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serious boy friend
Another theme related to the Future father is that of the Serious boy-friend. Although a woman wants probably merely a short affair it doesn't mean that you should not take her seriously. I don't mean to pounce on her with statements like "We will stay together forever". I am talking about a "serious attitude". I am talking about "not treating her as a day fly". Treat her politely, don't take her for granted. Treat her as a potential partner for a longer lasting relationship.
You can corroborate your serious intentions by mentioning future plans: Plan to go out next Friday to X, and next week to Y and next month to Z.
This also applies to the time AFTER you have established a relationship (or after sex). Reassure her, that you still like her. If you go, then tell her where to and when you will meet again. Make her breakfast and read Little Things for big Love.
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let women talk and help
Women love to talk (just think of how long they talk on the telephone). Women like to help (just think of a typical "female" job: nurse, kindergarten teacher, geriatric nurse...). Combine those attributes and you got a talk up and running by asking the woman: "Could I ask you for help? Could you tell me why/what/how/...". Ask her any question you like as long as the question is non-answerable by a simple "Yes" or "No".
Believe it or not, but maybe you have failed in your last dating attempt because you maneuvered yourself into dead-end answers. If you ask a girl "Have you been long here?" then practically anything she can answer is a dead end. She could answer "No, not long" or "A couple of minutes" but both answers do not lead into a nice conversational flow.
Many men (since men are practical-minded) want a "clear and simple" answer. For dating purposes that kind of "questioning strategy" is absolutely wrong.
Train by simply re-phrasing some of your question. Wrong: "Do you like this place?", right: "What do you think about this place?". You get the idea. In other words: Let her TALK. (This is just a simple example and I am not telling you to ask women that question).
Or ask her something like: "What do you think is the most common flaw men have?" or "I am writing for dating-forum.com. Could you help me by telling me what feature your ideal man should have?". Let her talk for hours.
Typical "open questions" start with
* Why....?
* How....?
* What....?
* Where/When.....?
You get the idea.
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Magnetic Mystery Man
Many women don't simply date YOU. They date a mysterious man who actually happens to walk by with your body. Thus clouding yourself in a mystery can help. If you walk in and the girl thinks "Wait a minute, who is this man??" then you have already hit the first target. "Aroused by curiosity" so to speak.
You could tell things from your life, but without giving the full background just to "mysteriousify" yourself . You could say, "I saved many lives of stray cats... these poor little creatures." (only if it's true, of course) but not telling WHY. She wouldn't know whether you are a veterinarian or a fireman or whatever. Woman LIKE to be in a wonderworld with their fantasies going (= too much information spoils fantasies).
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Have that something special
Would you (as a man) EVER wear those fancy fashion clothes women wear? Would you ever color your eyelids green? Would you ever walk around in tight high heels?
No!
You see, this is another example of different thinking between a woman and a man: Women love that "special something". Woman love to look attractive.
This gives you advantages if you
* wear a hat, neckerchief, necklace....
* wear new designer clothes. Even if a women is not a style-addict your new clothes will make an impression
* wear a, say, teddy bear with you. As stupid as it may sound, but you will get attention and women will probably ask you questions. You can start a talk by saying that you repair the teddy bear, or what the bear's name is etc
Having something "quirky" shows that you are self-confident. Self-confidence is another thing women love. Please read Be successful and self-confident.
In fact some women are so fixated to wear something special themselves that they begin to HATE the other girl on a formal party who by accident wears the same dress.
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Little Things for big Love
After you established a relationship and after you decided to continue it show the woman that you love and appreciate her. You can do this by little things as buying flowers from time to time.
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Things you need to know
Each conversation with a new woman should result in
* Knowing her (first) name
* Knowing common ground and mutualities
* Knowing her telephone number (plus know WHEN you can call her = the day time)
If you don't get her number you have lost. You can try to give her yours. But it is highly unreliable that she will call you back.
See also Use a business card.
* Knowing whether she has a boy-friend (don't bring this up until the very last minute) or if she is even married.
* Knowing what she dislikes (this is not that necessary, but can save you headaches)
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Conversation suggestions
Here are some suggestions how you can keep the conversation starting/going:
* Say "Hi" and smile at her (pretty simple, isn't it?)
* Ask her for the time, the date, the time the bus comes etc.
* Comment on her. Examples can be to make a note about clothes she wears or to compare her with a movie star. That shows that it's not the standard "Can I stand you a beer?"-talk
* Compliment her. See Make compliments.
* Follow up by asking her a question like: "Is there any secret behind your shiny hair?". This keeps the conversation going.
* Talk about food (e.g. when you meet her in a restaurant/coffee shop). This gets the senses going and creates a "stimulated" atmosphere.
In the end, it's up to you and the kind of woman you talk to.
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Make memories vs. Take memories
When you meet a girl then use your chance to make it memorable. Talking for hours is just sharing/taking memories. But doing something special is MAKING memories: In other words: Do something unusual. I am talking about action. This could be something small as a walk around the block instead of spending the whole night in a bar. Or invite her for next week to go to the circus or a flea market.
By the way: MAKING memories is also one of the best ways to keep a long relationship going. Even during hard times you have a "full pack of mood enhancing old experiences" that protects you from easily splitting up. It can be a small habit like: Going to a restaurant every Friday night. Or going on holidays every year.
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